January 28, 2019
I could feel a relentless energy buzzing in my chest because I knew the magic was coming. Ellivate EVOLVE was around the corner, and I felt… anxious. Anxiety is not typically something Ellivate triggers in me – quite the opposite, in fact. This time, though, the anxiety was palpable – palpable in a way that I worried other “more prepared,” “more successful,” “more fantastic” women would see all over me the moment I walked in. I felt unprepared and was embarrassed about it.
In preparation for the conference, I started looking back over my last year – my very first year – in business as the owner of Speak Your Kind. Instead of looking at what I’d accomplished in one short year, I found myself looking at all I had not accomplished – the changes I’d made to my services that felt “flaky,” and the clients I hadn’t brought in, leading to the money I hadn’t made. I felt paper thin and exposed to every element when I realized that old voice in my head was still clanging around with all of her negative thoughts and “founded” reasons why my dreams can’t come true.
Am I good enough?
I was rushing from work and worried about what I was going to say when I had to introduce my business to this big “scary” group of brilliant women – women who would surely see through this façade I’d created. But deep down, I felt like a little girl in her mother’s pearls screaming, “I’m an entrepreneur, too!”
Worried I wouldn’t say anything smart, useful or relatable in my first Master Mind group, I remembered feeling this exact same way one year ago when I attended Ellivate Immersion. I felt the tears rolling down my face, thinking I was nowhere now that I hadn’t been then, and I wondered why I was even going. I pulled into the parking lot of the mystical Be Well Yoga House, took 2 deep breaths, and in I went.
The truth falls out…
A while later, I stood up in front of the room, looked out at all the shining faces, opened my mouth, and my truth fell out. It fell out because I remembered the magic that Ellivate creates, and the warmth it provides to every woman who seeks it. I looked at all the loving eyes and felt their collective breaths rush to catch me and all I was willing to share. THIS is Ellivate. This is the magic that changed my life one year ago and so many times since then that I’ve lost count. THESE are the women who remind me to show up, even when the voice in my head tries to ruin it all. The Ellivate Alliance is HOW I evolved into someone who shows up, even when she’s anxious and crying, because she knows the power that women supporting women can create in this world!
I AM enough, and I am not alone!
I spent the next two days listening to women share their beautiful stories and wisdom, while we raced towards our dreams together! The anxiety was long gone, and the energy was buzzing in a way that made my heart feel light and my brain feel heavy. This is the best way I can feel! Engaging in experiences that activate my heart and my mind equally reminds me why I decided I was worthy of chasing this dream – a dream where I can have a “job” where my heart counts, too…a business where I can use my unique set of gifts to make the world a kinder place…a life where I can do work that inspires, excites and scares the hell out of me!
As entrepreneurs (especially as females), we carry these demons within– the demons who say, “you aren’t smart enough,” “you aren’t worthy,” the ones who say, “everything is a competition.” EVOLVE reminded me that I fight none of these battles alone. These women are my army, and they show up for me! They show up with weapons far more powerful than the demons that are weakening as my business grows. They prepare me with an armor of love, missiles of authentic feedback and weapons of mass education! Panels of brilliant women, experts in their fields, share all they know to make ME better, smarter, stronger! They aren’t worried about competition because we all believe there is enough – enough business, enough interest, enough energy to sustain all of our businesses in ways we haven’t yet dreamt up.
EVOLVE reminded me why the Ellivate Alliance is something I will always choose and why my business accomplished ALL it did last year – all the clients I served and learned to let go of, all the money I made and the knowledge I gained…all the many (MANY!) things I know now that I didn’t even know I needed to know one short (and very long!) year ago.
Ellivate Alliance and its beautiful warrior women changed my life again, and this time EVOLVE was the way they did it!
About the Author: T.J. Kinnison is the owner of Speak Your Kind – a business created to help people uncover their language to more authentically represent themselves. T.J. helps clients say what they need to say (or write what they need to write) in ways they feel confident to put into the world with their name on it. T.J. believes that when people put love back into their language, it creates a kinder, more authentic world, that leaves space for everyone to be who they are.